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September 2015

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early morning musing

so many things on my mind and i cannot sort them out. i'm playing an internal tug-of-war with myself. what's before me is the proverbial two forks in the road. Up to now, I still don't know which to take. It's not really my decision to make but my husband's. But of course, I have equal say in the matter but him being the main bread winner in the family should pick the better option for us. I can sense that he's also struggling. We're thinking too much of the future and in our case, we can't afford not to..because of the kids. If it were just us, we would have decided long ago to go where the wind blows us..hay! so hard! it's giving me a headache just thinking about it.

my concept of home has changed somehow. I used to think of baler as home--the beach, the small community, the College where I used to work and would like to work again, the friends we knew there..but now, I'm not so sure anymore. The place may be the same but I have changed. Would I be strapped with discontent over the simplicity of life there? Would I find the people there changed too? Are we still welcome? These are the questions.

From a book of essays I read, this thought made me think..that home is not just a place but it's also the person you were when you lived there. I'm no longer the person I was..so where is home now?

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